I failed

https://goodnewshunnee.wordpress.com/2016/03/30/i-failed-you-prayer-2-ive-got-to-do-better/

Wow...This is so for real.

Philippians 1:3 - I thank my God upon my every remembrance of you.

It wasn't just the picture of the late Robin Williams that caught my eye...It was the words that trapped me and reminded me of a saying that I have said in the past.  "Everybody who is smiling and laughing ain't happy"

I use to have this thought and say when people would look at me and say...Girl you are always so happy.  Or when I was serious, and was sharing some heavy stuff, people would say Girl you're so funny.  When the reality was I was breaking down inside.  It wasn't my fault that I was cursed with comedic timing and smile way more than I frown.

Now as I grew up I learned to share my feelings...OK I'm learning to share my feelings, fears, hurts etc.  I've often heard that comedians are some of the saddest people.  They have the gift of making you laugh, but not the wisdom or the knowledge to bless themselves with a smile, because what you are laughing at may be a story that they cried about.

I know it's getting a little heavy up in here but I have a point.

One for all who have made me laugh when I wanted to cry, thank you.  To all of those who saw pain that I covered up with a wall, and weren't afraid to knock on my wall and make sure I was ok.  Keep on knocking at one another's doors.  And my prayer is that you/we/i/them choose to let you in.

Pray for those who pray for you.  Listen to those who listen to you.  You might not have the perfect words, or the best punch line, but do it with the loving hand of God.  You might bring a rainbow to a face that always smile.  And if you don't know a rainbow is a reminder of a promise not to destroy.

Wow...This is so for real.

Philippians 1:3 - I thank my God upon my every remembrance of you.

It wasn't just the picture of the late Robin Williams that caught my eye...It was the words that trapped me and reminded me of a saying that I have said in the past.  "Everybody who is smiling and laughing ain't happy"

I use to have this thought and say when people would look at me and say...Girl you are always so happy.  Or when I was serious, and was sharing some heavy stuff, people would say Girl you're so funny.  When the reality was I was breaking down inside.  It wasn't my fault that I was cursed with comedic timing and smile way more than I frown.

Now as I grew up I learned to share my feelings...OK I'm learning to share my feelings, fears, hurts etc.  I've often heard that comedians are some of the saddest people.  They have the gift of making you laugh, but not the wisdom or the knowledge to bless themselves with a smile, because what you are laughing at maybe a story that they cried about.

I know it's getting a little heavy up in here but I have a point.

One for all who have made me laugh when I wanted to cry, thank you.  To all of those who saw pain that I covered up with a wall, and weren't afraid to knock on my wall and make sure I was ok.  Keep on knocking at one another's doors.  And my prayer is that you/we/i/them choose to let you in.

Pray for those who pray for you.  Listen to those who listen to you.  You might not have the perfect words, or the best punch line, but do it with the loving hand of God.  You might bring a rainbow to a face that always smile.  And if you don't know a rainbow is a reminder of a promise not to destroy.

The first time ever I saw your face..

 

Jeremiah 1-5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

 

Time flies after 25 or maybe 30 I'm convinced. 

I remember being a kid thinking time is moving so slow.  When I was twelve I remember sitting on the stoop with my still friend Tiffany and saying when I get older I want six kids, and I want them to be all boys.  When I was in high school I wrote in my high school book that when I was 25 I would live in New York be a model (although I never modeled before) act in a play be married and a lawyer and finally have written at least one novel.

So here we are a few decades later.  None of those fantasies were met.  I can't call them goals, but just teenage dreams of grandeur.  I love my life now even though it didn't match up with my past wish list.  But it seems like just yesterday I had had those dreams and in the blink of an eye my life is now in the present.  I've done so many things that weren't on my list.

One very important thing that I never considered was the joy and greatness of being an Aunt.  I remember the first time ever I saw his face.  Technically I was eyeing another baby that reminded me more of my sister.  He was laying in the hospital nursery dark chocolate and very chubby.

I smiled and told the nurse that that was my nephew.  She asked the name and I told her and she advised that - that cute bumble of joy was not my nephew.  But the adorable large eyed, small, fair skinned child to the left was my nephew.

Now he is 16 years old and I still remember the first time ever I saw his face and fell in love.  God gets to do this all the time, he remembers the beauty the love the care, His continence that falls upon you from day one and he never leaves us.

God you like Chipotle too!

Luke 12:22-32The Message (MSG)

Steep Yourself in God-Reality^22-24 He continued this subject with his disciples. “Don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or if the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your inner life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the care of God. And you count far more.

This is not a commercial for Chipotle, but heck maybe it should be.  But before I get to Chipotle, let me give you a little background (not to personal, but just so you guys get where I'm coming from)

This  past Tuesday felt like five Monday's piled up into one.  Meetings, work, talks, lost paperwork, found paperwork, but the paperwork wasn't mine, but the motto is take ownership right...Then appointments, that so go beyond the appointment time line I had envisioned filled with numbers and facts and statistics and the requirement of decisions...Simply put it was a LONG day.

A break in the action came about and I got the opportunity to eat, but what...I'm rocking the Fitbit, which is an arm band that counts your steps, calories, sleep, and whatever else, so I must make good decisions or the Fitbit will know.

I decided on as you see in the title Chipotle, to get a tofu taco.  When I stood in line, I didn't see anything that said tofu, so I let the group behind me go in front of me.  I also commented on what I was looking for and the young lady in the group said "OMG, that tofu is my favorite and its called "" (I can't remember the name again).  I saw it on the menu and after they ordered and paid I ordered mine, when I got to the cashier, I was not really paying attention just holding out my card and it struck me the register displayed $40.99.  Let me tell you a $40.99 taco will snap you back to reality.  I looked at the cashier and she said "They already paid for you"... I looked at her confused and actually said who me?  At this point I was the only one in line, so clearly it had to be me and beside the fact that she was looking at me. 

I have "Paid it forward" before but I don't recall ever receiving.  The joy in receiving this taco gift was overwhelming!  The cashier handed me a cup and said she got you a drink too! 

She pointed to which of the ladies in the group had blessed me.  Needless to say I went over to her and thanked her so much and I walked away.  Then it hit me thanking her wasn't enough.  I turned around and told her what a long day it had been for me and that her kindness didn't just give me a great meal, but it also blessed my soul.  With those words she told me I had made her day.

The points ... God will always provide, God can use anyone (racial clarity moment this woman, looked nothing like me, nor was she in my more wise age range) and finally yes God is even in Chipotle.  Oh yeah and I'm not a vegetarian, but let me tell you that TACO WAS AWESOME!